Why You Keep Repeating the Same Relationship Pattern (and How to Finally Stop)

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The love you want isn’t unlocked by “trying harder.” It’s unlocked by teaching your nervous system a new story. I sit down with psychotherapist and bestselling author Jessica Baum to unpack why we repeat painful relationship patterns, how anxious and avoidant attachment styles differ, and what it takes to build emotional security that lasts. If you’ve ever chased butterflies, confused intensity for chemistry, or felt “too much” or “not enough,” this conversation reframes it all with compassion and science.

We break down the difference between anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment in real life—not as labels but as adaptations to early caregiving. Jessica explains why talk therapy alone often stalls and how somatic memory lives in sensations like tight chests and dropped stomachs. You’ll learn how co-regulation with safe “anchors” rewires your capacity to self-regulate, why safety can feel unfamiliar at first, and how to tell when you’re stuck in a trauma bond built on fantasy and control.

Jessica also introduces her wheel of attachment, a practical map for spotting where you slide under stress and how to find your way back to security. We share daily practices to extend your exhale, widen the gap between trigger and reaction, and make better choices without abandoning yourself. Along the way, Jessica opens up about her own path—staying with the work even when a partner wouldn’t—and the hard, hopeful truth: real change is possible, but not by bypassing the body.

If you’re ready to stop reenacting the past and start creating relationships that feel calm, clear, and connected, press play. Then share this with a friend who needs a steady anchor today. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what’s one pattern you’re ready to rewrite?

To order Jessica's newest book SAFE: Coming Home to Yourself and Others, and access the Wheel of Attachment referenced in our interview please use this link: https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/interview

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I’m Michelle Rios

I'm a wife, mom, coach, speaker, podcaster, author, traveler, master communicator, connector, and more!